"It's not a slap in the face from God every single day, think of it as kisses from God, Stephanie!", said by my friend who probably secretly own a unicorn in her backyard full of rainbows.

For those of you who don't know me, I draw. 

If you ask me: "What do you do?"

I would reply "I am a concept artist and illustrator"

Since Thrive School started I have not had the opportunity to draw as much nor do people realized my drawing ability. It has been a long while since the last time people ask to see my art work genuinely...And when they do see my sketches or doodles, those are not meant to be shown. Then seeing other people get recognized for their artistic skills dose not make me feel better.

I do think God striped down the identity that has been every important to me on purpose. Right now my job is to prepared snacks for the college ministry every Thursday night. I just began the job but I am happy to know that I will posses more skills in the near future. It's actually quite comforting to be honest. There were a time I worried about not knowing anything else but drawing. What can a person really do in a long run if they only possess one skill? Especially she's not even the best of what she can do.

God is good though. Just whenever I have the thought of maybe I won't be drawing for the rest of my life someone would tell me "DON'T EVER STOP DRAWING!"

Thrive School is a very intense program. Within the last 3 weeks almost every single day I am to re-identified myself. There's always something new to learn or old scars to face. Then there are habits to break and new ones to pick up. There are days that it feels liberating to know the truth of myself but some nights I just wish God would take it slow. 

Overall, I am happy. It IS a privilege to be in this program. Let's be honest, there are not many people at my age get to re-identify themselves in a healthy way, nor do they get the second chance of being a child and discovered who they really are freely.

The day before I turn 25 I was having an inseurity problem. Turning 25 isn't that great when you are surrounded by late teen yearly 20 t's girls all day. Their skin is tight and their bodies are great. You most be thinking "Stephanie, 25 is young!!" Yes, it IS young, but not young enough. My leader then gave me a piece of paper with a title "Who you REALLY are 'right now' in Christ" with bible verses and told me to read though them. The next morning I open my bible to spend some time with God. The first on the list to read was John 1:12

But to all who did receive him (Christ), who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God,

                                      -John 1:12 (English Standard Version)

I am a child of God.

That's my first identity.

The next verse I continued to read.

who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.

                                            -John 1:13 (ESV)

I am born of the will of God!

The next thing I remember was skipping across the camp site's soccer filed and singing, trying my best not to disturb others who had also rose early to spend time with God.

I am born of the will of God. So what change just by knowing this?
I started to ask God who He wants me to become.

I realized He doesn't want me to be any younger or older, or even let my drawing skill to define me....but to BE God's child first and pursue Him.
I am yet to learn what kind of person God wants me to become. My age is just right and my drawing ability is actually one of the ways to help me to connect with God more. Especially when I am sketching out natures.