I am sure my identity in Christ isn't as horrible as the picture on my driver license.

25 days ago one of the s charactestudents in Thrive School read out loud
Psalm 139: 7-12
"Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, 'Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,'
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you"


To be honest with you, I started bawling the moment the student finished reading the very first sentence. That was the day pastor Curt taught the character traits of God. At the end of the session, he asked:
"Why is it important for us to know God's character traits ? Why does God put these in the Bible?"

A couple of answers came from the students, but none of those were what Pastor Curt was looking for. Then some words popped into my mind; Do you ever have those moments you are pretty sure those smart ideas or thoughts should not have come out of your dull unintelligent mind? This was one of those moments for me; I said quietly to pastor Curt, "Because we need the reassurance of God's character traits." Unfortunately, that was the answer he was looking for and he told me to stand up and repeat the answer. Standing in front of 70 plus students while I looked like I had obviously just cried wasn't the best situation. I repeated what I had said and quickly sat down.

"We need the ASSURANCE of God's character traits!"

Then Monday came, the day for us to share the word that we believed that God had for each of us for this season of life with our Disciple Group (mentor-group). When it was my turn to share my thoughts, neither I nor any body else could really figure out what word God may have for me. What I did remember saying was that I might be secretly an angry person, and I AM needy, which I have been working on for the past year, (even before I knew I was going to do Thrive School), yet my struggles came up again and slap me in the face. The leader of my Disciple Group suggested that I should meet with a counselor to figure out the source of my anger, for anger is the fruit of something. I left tired, confused and pretty much shut down my emotions. One of the girls from my D-group later called me and asked if I would like to talk to her godfather/counselor. She made sure I was not just giving her an empty promise to call but that I would actually call. Aside from my fear of what might be revealed from counseling..I kept my promise.

That phone call might just be the most liberating call I have ever had in my life so far.

I don't know who I am.

My childhood, though not the worst, had not been one that allowed me to express my true feelings. Therefore, I have become a people-pleaser. A few years back, I was stuck between pleasing my mom as well as my father. My mom yelled at me angrily, which she barely does, saying:
"Why don't you argue? Argue with me!"
I still remember this day clearly because what kind of parent would ever say this to their kids?

After the phone call with the counselor, I allowed myself to cry out loud. I knew all the people in the house could hear me, yet I felt free. I am now able to look back at this past year of my journey with God and see how He orchestrated many events, especially the night He put all the pieces of my life together to give me the picture of my past and present through my friend's godfather/counselor. I was simply fascinated. First, He moved me to Loomis within a week, then He reconnected me with high school friends. Through these friends, I began to meet other Godly young ladies who have been pouring love and truth into me for the past year. He began to heal my wounded soul and prepare for me for Thrive School. Finally, He gave me a host home where I can rediscover my identity safely.

God waited for me to agree on His plan, and the moment I whispered "yes", He shoved all His gifts in my face. It was kind of overwhelming, but awesome :)  

I still don't really know who God created me to be, but like my wise friend, Susie Veon, said:
"We are all individuals and the Lord knows us intimately and loves us completely and he loves to see us stretch and grow.  His expectation is that we become who we are uniquely meant to be - learn from others but never are held to become like them - they have their own journey."  



My journey to find my identity in Christ has just begun and probably won't be as easy of a ride as I wish, but I pray that I'll always look to God as I walk through the world. I've got the assurance of God's character traits and His unchangeable goodness and promises found in the Bible. So, while I am finding my identity in Him, I am learning to rely on these. Being a Christian doesn't mean I will live comfortably in a cottage with my perfect family, but it means that God promises to be with me always, even when I don't feel Him, and that I will reunite with Him in the end.
Oh yes, my word for the season is "Identity".